Suspects arrested for killing a young pig

Edward

Two men have been arrested by police hunting the killers of a young pig. In a chilling turn of events it appears that the men have actually eaten parts of the pig’s body.

Officer, Mike Fowler, said this has been one of the most gruesome acts he has dealt with in his 10 year career as an officer.

The pig, a bright 1 year old had been subjected to a gruesome attack as he grazed in a field with his friends and family.

Mrs Kingsbury, a school teacher, said: “This was an entirely species motivated attack. ┬áThat pig was killed and eaten purely because he’s of a different species to us – it’s not fair, he couldn’t change which species he was.”

Superintendent Terry Sherwood, of the National Police Association, told the BBC’s Today programme that the murder was “an unequivocal indication that the cancer of speciesism is still here”.

“Unfortunately, young, innocent animals are subject to it, and I think it is a sad day,” he said. “I have every confidence that the police will catch these people and put them before the courts and demonstrate that we will not tolerate these abhorrent acts of speciesism on young, innocent animals.”

Speaking last night, the chief constable, Larry Sullivan, said: “It is a disgrace that a young pig has been brutally murdered. It is even worse when you think that the only reason for this attack was the victim’s species.”

“Any murder is awful, and this one is particularly abhorrent since the men have allegedly eaten the pig’s body. I can’t emphasise enough the part that the community and members of the public have in helping us to find those responsible for this despicable murder.”

“We are determined to arrest those responsible for committing this murder”"

When witnesses Ginny Messina and Leah Fiennes saw the pig being attacked, they ran off to get help, trying to flag down passing vehicles and banging on doors.

When they returned minutes later, they found him slumped on the ground with his throat slit and his limbs cut out

The local priest, Mrs Sanders, said that these attacks are “entirely untypical of the community in which it happened”, which she described as “settled, peaceful, decent”.

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38 Responses to “Suspects arrested for killing a young pig”

  • gunnard Says:

    Well done sir…

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    Love it. Satire is only funny because it’s based on what’s true.

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  • Mike Fowler Says:

    Most excellent =]

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  • Lindsey Says:

    Brilliant idea, Edward! I love it. I really hope this kind of reporting will be a reality in the near future – where the lives of all animals matter as much as that of humans and pets.

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    I know, right! This reeks of Onion.

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    Well said and a fresh slant on the topic. Why not try submitting it to “The Onion” in an Americanized version with help from our US colleagues?

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